Who should be from the child? Print
Written by Ayurvéda portál   

With the growth of the child the parents feel that it is hard to decide what kind of profession the child should select. Before this may gives a reason to many guessing if it turns out that the child performed quite good in the childhood sports, so he can start something with his skill. What should be from the child? Who has the right to decide this question? The parent or the child? Does it make the child happy if the parent “helps” him to decide which way to choose, which additionally defines his whole life later on.

Many adult people are telling to me that their present profession, job does not make them happy, and they contrive the spiritual pain every day because of this. When I ask them what they would like to do than answers like follows use to arrive:” I would like to stop the informatics and I would like to play music”, I would like to build cars, to renovate them”, I would be glad if I would build unique houses with my own hand”. Than whenever I ask them why they do not do that, than the junk excuses are coming:”I am to old” – tells me a 35 year old men. “Oh, it is not possible to coast from that”- tells me another one. Moreover I also heard such as “ my father would parry from his faith”.

For these people their present unhappiness can be scored only in a little measure their own wrong childhood decision, certainly it is something else, why they are afraid now to make changes on this. Because of the excessive parental expectations shaped their life in such a way, that virtually they reached many things in the life, but whenever I look at them, the soul almost goes to them to sleep. They are weak, tired and terribly unhappy. It also happens often that their partnership takes over the parental woried role and the change does not come into existence because his partner does not like that dream, which the man cradles in himself.  Let’s see, what does this mean with an ayurvedical eye.
The child’s influence by the parent often means that the parent wants to burden his own unsolved problems to the child, not consciously, he would like to fulfil his own not fulfilled dreams with his child. Of course the hypocritical parent says at this time that he just wants good to the child, actually he does not want good to the child, but wants proof for himself, that the road that he was dreaming about, but didn’t walked on exists certainly. With leaving the child’s decision mechanism out of consideration, and with the strong parental will, the child’s freedom feeling decreases, namely the vata dosha decreases through the air element. Therefore the decision ability won’t develop healthily in the child, so also in his life he expects affirmation from someone else .
The other typical reason of the excessive parental control is the parental pride. Many parents wants to give the world to believe that his child is special, to this he also creates different roads to the child. Many people make their children compete on different manner:sports, creative (e.g. drawing) competitions and on other manner. Of course the ignorant parent does not know what he is doing, since he teaches his child to live from other people’s attention. For children like these the flare will be important also as an adult, to be in the centre, and if their life does not shape like this, than they fall into depression, because of the decrease of the earth element their kapha dosha keeps back.
Successful sportman, engineer or ballerina should be from the child? It is hard to decide. Also the society sets up more harder expectations, the start of certain competitive sports are “proposed” already at around 6 year ages in order for the child to have the chance to get forward possibly in the adulthood. But nobody flatters himself that a child is able to bring a responsible decision 6 years old about his whole life? Than for who is than this decision? I have met many children in my life who had headache. When I told it to the kind parent, that the will impression burdens the child instead of the love, than she broke out and told that “ she wants good”. The children looked at me sometimes so, than to their saviour, because I dared to tell it to the parents, what they never drew and the pain carried through many years fell down from them suddenly. Their study results grew, their headache passed away, just because the parent understood that the life is not about the competition, but from the life, of which the happiness is a very important component.
The wise parent rises above his own pride, his own expectations, and does not teach a concrete road to the child, but such a spiritual things, with which the child can build himself and can bring the best possible decision in every section of his life. To this he has to learn to study correctly. This does not mean only how he has to acquire different kind of learning methods, but also how he should clarify the correct and incorrent impressions from his life. This is really the parent’s responsibility. The decision of the parent is if he burdens his own life to the child and because of this the child maybe won’t be able to be happy in adulthood or tries to bring it out the best from the child what also makes the child happy. I also could draw that divine road or the road of the devil, because that parent who is looking for the child’s acceptance keeps the child on the divine road, and who pushes his child into duality, that parent shows the road which leads to the hell.

If you are a parent, the most you can do for your child is to teach her to live without fears.  That child who lives without a fear, will be able as a happy adult to find his way in the world dominated by the predators and to find his own calm and calculation. If you teach the child to be afraid, any kind of good your motion is, your child will be a loser in the life, the least loss for him will be if he won’t be able to go off the road you have pressed on her and find his own way, than he will be unhappy…. and it is better not to think on the other things... Do not raise champions, no proud people or stars, but raise a lovable, happy person and the rest if it is needed, it will be given, if it is not necessary, your son and your daughter will be happy also then.