Adult child and the parents Print
Written by Ayurvéda portál   

Respect your father and your mother. This commandment can be found in the teachings of all religion, so it is such a moral law also in our society, which means very serious constraints onto the adult child. Many parents even abuse with this law and arouses remorse in his son or daughter, if he does not reach his aim referring to this law. What does this teaching mean? Whether how long does the border of this take? What kind of obligations does the law impose looking at the adult person? We are looking for the answer on these!

There are many parents on the world who wants to possess his child even in the adulthood. He wants to define it for him what he can do and what he can’t. When the child decides despite the parental sign, than the least is that he is reproached with it:”you do not love us certainly”. Many people get this reproach, if he is choosing a partner whom the parents do not like, if he does not go home to the parents from his distant residency, when the parent wants it. In case of more serious conflicts such a parent expects that the child should initiate the reconciliation, since “ he is the child, he has to do it”!

The abuse with the parental cue is a very hypocritical thing. The child did not come to the world of his own motion, but from parental will, or rather from an implied conduct (sex). However in the moment of his birth the child as an independent entitiy is equal to the parent in front of God, he is not less or more than his parents, moreover often the child lives a higher spiritual life than his parents. The childhood defencelessness - which means that the parent has to give to the child until he does not get on his feet - does not mean that the parent can expect anything from the child when he is going to be an adult. This is anxious due to even two reasons. One of them is that the parent who expects anything from his child for his services in return, takes away that glory from himself, that he was able to give unselfishly, so the parent will dip into the darkness, since the brightness is unselfish! The other thing is that the parental blackmail may take away that opportunity from the child that he also can give unselfishly, so he pushes also the child into the darkness with a behaviour like this.
So what does the respect mean than? You will see that when you read the definition, many illusion will fall down and if you had a problem like this, you will get rid of the burdens suddenly, if you understand it. The respect is nothing else than the acceptance of the other person’s morals. The acceptance of it that the other person in the course of his life with his monitoring, learning strategies deducted such a conclusions from the life that the life brought in front of him. It’s not sure that this is correct, even not sure that it is beatific, but still the work of one life is in it, so I accept him as he is. If I see the world other, I do not have to orient to the parental ethical norms, mostly if those didn’t make neither the parents happy. I can have a different road, but I have to accept the parent’s road, if I respect them:they also followed a sort of road of the life, if I deny that, than I deny the life itself.
Of course I can respect the parent if I live together with them or also from a distance. I may respect her if I do not agree with her, if I decide differently, than she would like it. Everything that I give to the parent is not about my love and not about my respect, but about my mercy (of course this is true conversely). The mercy means that I give, I help if the other person asks for, even if he did not deserve it possibly. So I can respect my parent if I choose my friends instead of the weekend family togetherness, I can respect them if I do not go to help (eg. to reap, to pick grapes, etc) if I have promised something else earlier, since at this time my given word sets in God.  I may respect my parent, if I do not follow her fear, her habits. Moreover the love also fits into the previous enumerations. If the parent gets angry at me because of my free will, that is her thing, her anger is not about me, but about her not accepting. I lose the respect and the love towards them, if I get angry as well and follow their example.
A clear honest parent-child contact concerns the fact that both sides can ask from the other one, so whatever old the parent is, he also has to learn to ask honest and make a compromise. Not to be in a tantrum, to blackmail and saying to the child that “ you do not love us” or “ you do not respect us”. The parent also has to respect the child and he has to respect his commitments, in order for him not to push the child into a sin or a duality. If one of them desires (!) onto the attendance , to the help of the other one, than he should ask for and ask,  not to hide immediately behind the masque of the love and the respect. At the same time the other half should learn to express himself straight and look for the compromise. This is the secret of the good parent-child relation. If you help your parent, or if you just listen to him, that tells a lot from you:your alturism, your mercy, etc, but for these you yourself will get your reward, this is not worthy to mix it up with the respect or with the love.
Respect yoru father and your mother in order to be allowed to live for a long time on this earth. However this commandment is not for the parents, but for the child. In order him to understand, he cannot deny it from where he originates, since his roots are there. At the same time that parent who abuses with this commandment is hypocritical, since although he tells that the child does not respect him, practically he does not respect the child because he does not accept the free will of him. Moreover a parent like this is in a serious confidential crisis, since he does not trust neither his child, that he is going to look for the best solution for himself, that he can fulfill without any duality, but he also does not trust himself, that the child is able to respect him with a clear heart. A parent like this brings a judgement onto himself and his own wrong faith enchains his relation with the child.

The devil is somewhere in the near where the debt feeling appears. If the parent begets a child, does not make it for the child, but for himself. Everything that he gives to the child, that is an opportunity for the parent in order to experience the divine nature of the entity with it, that he is able to give unselfishly, without the expectation of the recompense. For this alturism the most what the child can give is the respect. The child is going to commemorate in front of God that he got from his parents everything magnanimously and then carries on that heritage for his own children. If the parent nurses debt feeling into the child, than what is going to be both of their fate? Suffering! You, who you are reading this article, shake these expectations off yourself, and believe that the divine laws does not knit into a handcuff, but will free you. The devil wants always make you misunderstand the law, in order not to be true, and not to trust your God, in order for you to learn to fear and choose the pain. I am telling a story to you in order to debase the devil’s work in you and to make you free and happy… decide whom you believe!