Inner travel Print
Written by Ayurvéda portál   
 The people striving for the awareness think that they know themselves very well, so they or their families are shocked, if a change not waited for occurs in their life. I tell you a story, from which maybe the power of the illusion looms for many people. 
I have planned it a long time ago, that I make such a fast - defying with the laws of the nature and with the power of the elements - with which I really can test my faith. The desert seemed to be a good solution. Intolerable heat during the day, shivering cold in the night, there is no water, no food, that could bring into temptation, or rather even if a temptation would come, there is no chance to let him. All my things were a sleeping bag and apart from the dress on me, plus a change suit.
I bought some bottles of cleaned water, from which daily two sips were the estimates. There wasn’t even a need onto more, because it left such a bad flavour in the man’s mouth, that everything went rather outwards than inward. I walked the desert on foot at first, without a food and with two sips of water, underway I was praying and meditating on the things of the life. I camped in a place after a time, and I continued the fast so. My skin was dark and so dry, that whenever I smoothed throughout  my arm or my foot, white, small flakes - similar to the dandruff - fell from it in a big quantity.
After some weeks I realised an interesting thing. Through my prayers and metitations my senses displayed similar ideas always in my mind’s eye. A picture came constantly, from which I found myself in like a hole formation very quickly. For example:I saw a house’s inside, and in the next moment I was flying in the tunnel of the lift down, or I saw a mountain and in the  next moment I was flying in a deep hole upside down. Was such that I saw a mincer in a kitchen and in the next moment I found myself in the mincer, that grew up suddenly, and I was flying down in it. I had a lot of similar ideas like these, the essence of all of these was a moving down in a cave or in a hole.
In all of the holes and caves there was such a build, which was similar to the mincer. It was so that shovels of a whirl vent frustrated my way, it was so that keen scythes rolled on one axle, it was so that knives similar to the grape mill. I realized it soon, that I am in my own subconscious. The dangerous elements are the reserve mechanisms of my subconscious, which reminded me to that, that I should not do anything in a barbaric mode without so much as I do not know it’s effect, since the life functions are also controlled by the subsconscious ideas. When I realized this, I knew it already, how I have to go through the dangerous knifes, scythes and other reserve mechanisms. I gave out myself to a distress signal, of which effect the reserve mechanisms stopped and I kept on without any problem.
I “was” altogether ten times unbidden in my own subconscious, this experience attacked me suddenly in my evening prayers or meditations generally. All of the ten occasions bought me onto a separate level of the subconscious. I share the experience of one of the levels with you edification.
One night when the experience swooped, after “defeating” the reserve mechanisms I found myself in a big hall. Compared to the rest of the levels a shocking sight welcomed me here, I also don’t wanted to believe it first, what happens to me. There was a semidarkness and a lot of people in the room, who did a sexual act in different poses. When I returned to the “outside world” the pictures seen “down” haunted me continuously, moreover they broke in on me in a much rougher manner. In all kinds of sex position, different kind of people (whites, negros, yellows) mixed with each other gave up themselves to the enjoyment. People mixed with animals as well, that disgusts a lot of people apparently. I also did not understand it since I have never seen pictures like this in my whole life, I was not searching and I did not desire for it, to attend in an experience like this or to watch like this.
I started praying to God in order to free me from this temptation. Due to the prayer the temptation attacked me more intensively many times instead of to end. A context showed between the prayer and the temptation nearly. It wasn’t…I stopped the prayer and I concentrated to the understanding rather. I forgave my sexual intention sins for myself already, so that cannot be a reason of this experience. From what is this darkness in me so deeply still? I found the answer after some days. I had a platonics in my childhood, to who I never dared to tell it what I feel, however I found her very attractive sexually. I have repressed it as deep as I could, noone never knew it, and may not have suspected what I feel. This darkness, as a demon rose to an independent life in me then, and was able to hide away so, that it’s existence did not turned out even on my previous self-knowledge “trainings”.  One of the reason of this was that I did not consider my childhood’s love as a sin. Not that was the sin, but the fact that I was afraid to express myself, my feelings and my repressed sexuality.
Today I know already that the suppression of the sexual desires do not raise the man, they rather  plunge him into darkness. The only solution of the liberation from under the desires is in the understanding of the reason of the desire and resides in the honest faith of the own completeness. When I realised what is the reason of the darkness, I was able to name my demon already and I could turn to God with the correct prayer:”Lord, I have created the demon of the expressing myself and the futile sexual desire, please, release from it, I don’t want to be afraid any more”. The temptations stopped in that moment, my senses cleared up, I felt a huge light around me and in myself. The fear from expressing myself and the demon of the futile sexual desire quitted from me forever. The most important word is the “futile”, since the idea is demonic because of the fact, that I did not give a chance with the suppression to be satisfied or possible to be able to resign of the desire, which is a dark aspect.
Priests and monks and many people who lives with a suppression, do not know, that the correct faith is not in the denial. Neither God, nor Christ asked the people to stifle it’s elemental instincts, but they taught the people in order to contrive that through an ethical order, on which end there is a chance for the liberation. What does it mean to believe in God? Not on your life that the man is praying always or attends on useless rituals, to believe in God means that I believe in the truth and I insist to it always. The truth is a special spiritual thing however, who says that he is right, lies certainly. The suppression is not truth, neither the fear and the desire. That man can find the truth, who has a tirhst for it better than anything else.  
There are similar ideas like these in all men, that he does not know. Who wants to find the God in himself, has to reveal the deepest nooks of his soul first of all in order to be able to win over the darkness. My inner travel meant a huge experience to me, one single moment wasn’t useless, even then, if the fast entailed a lot of suffering.  “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other in order to get healed. “ The teaching of James is a good remedy of the suppression. Be seen rather for weak one, than to stifle that, who you are, and let the devil take your soul. My suppression would have killed me sooner or later, since the soldier’s sin is the death. God released me from the consequence of my sin because I was able to name my real sin to him. I told only one experience of mine like this to you now, but believe that I could tell a story about more. If there was this much darkness in a man who was constantly searching for God, how much can be in that man who does not believe in him or makes it only with his mouth.
After the above liberation I had a keen experience. I have seen the ecstasy. Very few people has been ravished compared to the population of the Earth. The new Jerusalem has been filled first of all with the people dead previously in Christ. Popes, clerics and titled teachers went into the hell so, that everybody believed they are saint people, but none of them has been looking for God from a clear heart. Be converted as long as it is not too late. God is clement, but who decides next to the death and damnation, he won’t save that man against his will. Only that person, who has a thirst after the truth and waits for his saviour.