The people striving for the awareness think that they know themselves very well, so they or their families are shocked, if a change not waited for occurs in their life. I tell you a story, from which maybe the power of the illusion looms for many people. 

In all of the holes and caves there was such a build, which was similar to the mincer. It was so that shovels of a whirl vent frustrated my way, it was so that keen scythes rolled on one axle, it was so that knives similar to the grape mill. I realized it soon, that I am in my own subconscious. The dangerous elements are the reserve mechanisms of my subconscious, which reminded me to that, that I should not do anything in a barbaric mode without so much as I do not know it’s effect, since the life functions are also controlled by the subsconscious ideas. When I realized this, I knew it already, how I have to go through the dangerous knifes, scythes and other reserve mechanisms. I gave out myself to a distress signal, of which effect the reserve mechanisms stopped and I kept on without any problem.

 

 

I started praying to God in order to free me from this temptation. Due to the prayer the temptation attacked me more intensively many times instead of to end. A context showed between the prayer and the temptation nearly. It wasn’t…I stopped the prayer and I concentrated to the understanding rather. I forgave my sexual intention sins for myself already, so that cannot be a reason of this experience. From what is this darkness in me so deeply still? I found the answer after some days. I had a platonics in my childhood, to who I never dared to tell it what I feel, however I found her very attractive sexually. I have repressed it as deep as I could, noone never knew it, and may not have suspected what I feel. This darkness, as a demon rose to an independent life in me then, and was able to hide away so, that it’s existence did not turned out even on my previous self-knowledge “trainings”.  One of the reason of this was that I did not consider my childhood’s love as a sin. Not that was the sin, but the fact that I was afraid to express myself, my feelings and my repressed sexuality.

 

Today I know already that the suppression of the sexual desires do not raise the man, they rather  plunge him into darkness. The only solution of the liberation from under the desires is in the understanding of the reason of the desire and resides in the honest faith of the own completeness. When I realised what is the reason of the darkness, I was able to name my demon already and I could turn to God with the correct prayer:”Lord, I have created the demon of the expressing myself and the futile sexual desire, please, release from it, I don’t want to be afraid any more”. The temptations stopped in that moment, my senses cleared up, I felt a huge light around me and in myself. The fear from expressing myself and the demon of the futile sexual desire quitted from me forever. The most important word is the “futile”, since the idea is demonic because of the fact, that I did not give a chance with the suppression to be satisfied or possible to be able to resign of the desire, which is a dark aspect.

 

Priests and monks and many people who lives with a suppression, do not know, that the correct faith is not in the denial. Neither God, nor Christ asked the people to stifle it’s elemental instincts, but they taught the people in order to contrive that through an ethical order, on which end there is a chance for the liberation. What does it mean to believe in God? Not on your life that the man is praying always or attends on useless rituals, to believe in God means that I believe in the truth and I insist to it always. The truth is a special spiritual thing however, who says that he is right, lies certainly. The suppression is not truth, neither the fear and the desire. That man can find the truth, who has a tirhst for it better than anything else.  

 

After the above liberation I had a keen experience. I have seen the ecstasy. Very few people has been ravished compared to the population of the Earth. The new Jerusalem has been filled first of all with the people dead previously in Christ. Popes, clerics and titled teachers went into the hell so, that everybody believed they are saint people, but none of them has been looking for God from a clear heart. Be converted as long as it is not too late. God is clement, but who decides next to the death and damnation, he won’t save that man against his will. Only that person, who has a thirst after the truth and waits for his saviour.

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