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Daily wisdom

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A te szavad pedig legyen egyértelmű "igen", vagy legyen egyértelmű "nem". Ha válaszoddal bizonytalanságot hagysz magad után, az ördög cselekedett általad, annál helyesebb, ha beismered, hogy nem tudod. Azonban, ha igent, vagy nemet mondtál gondoskodj róla, hogy szavaid hazugsággá ne váljanak.

Napi dilemma

The dilemma of the morals
In all cases, when you see a mistake in the other one, you may decide, that you shout your truth from the world into his eyes, and you push him in even bigger duality hereby, or you ask him a question, with which you may recognise it how he sees the world on the one hand, on the other hand it may be that also your world view shapes through it.
To breed onto duality Print E-mail
Written by Horváth-Kovács Diána   

During upbringing a child the first 6 years are crucial, and the same is valid for the question of training him to entirety. However many parents give excellent example how to walk into the trap of duality instead of training the child to unity and entirety.


Duality is the process during child rearing when the child feels being threatened and not to be in safe. It is important, especially in the first period, to establish the life- and emotional safety of a baby, and it would be important later also. During this process it is important that the baby gets all those fundamental means of sustenance, which ensures his life, such as: food and drink, breathing, sleep. Duality, or distrust in his parents came into existence, if these wills  won’t completely come true. For example the parent's fear in nourishment (the mommy does not feed the baby when the child needs it), the parent does not recognize the signals of her child, and misinterprets the baby’s needs (she feeds him while the child desires only a body contact).

The child does not feel secure if the parent practises the device of loud and rough punishment in all cases. Strong sound and physical abuse generates fear. The child reacts similarly, if the parents practise this aggressive expressiveness not with him but with other person, or somebody else acts against his parents irritably. The child is able to take these kind of events personally, and may break out in full sobbing with fear. It is worth to bring up the child exemplary, and this way parents can avoid to use explosive strict rules every time.
Later, when the baby's scope expands, and pays attention not only to satisfy his daily needs, the issue of the parental upbringing turns into a responsible challenge. More factors can increase the duality feeling in the child:
-          Duality arises in the child, if the parents do not aim for accord during his upbringing. If the child learns opposite things from the two parents, anxiety starts to take shape in him, and the question whether his act would fit with one of his parents and what would be the reward of his action: punishment or affirmation. It is important that they check up their views about the main topics of upbringing a child together as adults. Other solution can be if they appoint one of them to the role that his / her word would be the final, ex: daddy says the last word, but if the daddy is the designated decision maker, mummy should not veto his word every time.
-          Freedom of the child should be assured also in selecting his own games and interest. It is typical that parents force their children what games to choose and what topics to be interested in. The background of this is usually the unfulfilled desires or fears of the parents. It also occurs that they force the child to do things onto which he is not mature enough, neither bodily not mentally.  For example, when they want to create a model or a star from a child, when his only task is to build relationships and to get to know the world. It could be nice to have a tiny small model on the run, but with this parents will take away the right from the child to be free as a child and to discover the world in his own speed. The cognition process is the most successful when man wants to discover things from his own desire. Only in this case man will be open enough to receive the informations. It is the same with the children. Upbringing his own sister / brother is also not the task of a child. The parent needs to take responsibility for his own desire and can not load this to his child.
-          If parents show their relationship conflicts to the child it forms the view of the child about partnership and about solution methods. Let the parents try not to shower their difficulties onto their child. If the child sees that his beloved ones are in continuous conflict at home, he could easily loose his safety-feeling. Will it be a miracle, if the child becomes fussy, falls asleep hardly, or dismissive with one of his parents? It is the parent's responsibility to show examples to the child that conflicts are required part of our life and there is always a solution which should be found. If we see this as problem-solving we would not put fear into our child but we would give him meaning for the challenges.
-          During upbringing a child it is wrong to strengthen an image of the enemy in him. The easiest way to create an image of the enemy in the child is when the parents nurse their own unacceptances and fears into their child.  For example, if the mother does not accept the father's mother (the grandma), the child can easily deny the granny also. It can happen that the child would love his grandma, but he would be in duality due to the nursing of his mother. Another good example is the unacceptance of the communities from other ethnic groups. For example, if Győzike Kolompár pushes off Pistike, and Pistike tells his offences to his parents, they will not cure the pain of the child, but they will teach him to judge Győzike because he belongs to the ethnic group roma.
-          It is the parent’s task to teach fundamental ethical rules to the child. To teach him those principles which will help him with the partnerships. Every child meets other children around 5-6 years old, and if we did not teach him the difference between the correct and wrong actions, he could easily learn conflict solving principles from his new friends, and we can not be sure he learns the best solutions. It is a question that how can we express our love towards our children? Many people think that the child should do what he would like to do under the principle of the free upbringing. But in social environment it is expected from everybody to adopt to the other ones. If we miss to teach fundamental ethical principles to the child, his friends may excommunicate him, and it will generate a deeper spiritual pain in him.
-          The role of authenticity is very important. If the parent is not consistent, and does not request the same from himself what he reuqests from the child, he could easily loose his prestige with his child and it is hard to recover it. Important, that if we say A, we should not act B. How could we expect from the child to act correctly if he is used to disbelieving during his upbringing. For example, if we tell him that he has to love his small brother, while we often treat them nervously, will he learn how to love?
Child raised in duality can be recognized by the fact that it is hard for him to find his place in the world alone. He is more distrustful with the adults, and he is afraid of  news things. Child raised in unity has unconditional trust in his parents and in other adults, and is able to act by himself. His conflicts contain no fear but positive efforts. You can decide which type of children you would like to have. But the most useful will be if you understand the above statements and resolve your own discrepancies, before you start to form your child.

Daily caution

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Ne irigyeld mások hírnevét, feleségét, gyermekét, s ne irigyeld vagyonát. Elég nagy teher az nekik, amelyet, ha el nem engednek, fényességet úgy sem látnak. Ha ahhoz ragaszkodsz, amit idővel a föld eltemet, a rozsda megemészt, boldogságod meg nem leled és földi életedet is szenvedés kíséri.

Téves mondások

Feleségem, férjem, gyermekem
There are no translations available.

"Te az én feleségem vagy...", "Te az én férjem vagy...", Te az én gyermekem vagy..." - Tévedsz, mert minden létező élőlény és objektum ezen a világon Istené. Te csak azért kaptad őket, hogy felimerd általuk a lét lényegét. Ha ezt felimered, boldog lehetsz és szabad.