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Daily wisdom

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Ha nem aggódnál, hanem hinnél abban, hogy aki megteremtett és életet adott neked, az gondoskodni is fog arról, hogy legyen mit enned, akkor rájönnél, hogy Isten kielégíti minden szükségleted. Az igazságkövetés ára a jólét, az igazság elhagyásáé a nélkülözés.

Napi dilemma

The dilemma of the creation
You may decide every day whether you look to the future with anxiety, and with this slowly, but surely you create that, what you are afraid of, or you wait with hope and confidence that, what you need.
Freely with a baby Print E-mail
Written by Horváth-Kovács Diána   

 Babával, szabadonThe aim of this article is to dispel those kind of popular errors which limit most of the mothers after their babies are born. One of them is the depression after childbirth, which we detailed in a previosu article. How can we preserve our favourite activities from our life before the baby, and not to generate conflict in the baby and in ourselves today? 

When a baby arrives to a family the first period is about the recognition. The most important task of the baby-period (0-12 month) is to build the trust in the baby, which we can achieve with different routines, like: eating and sleeping cycles, the evening bath, etc. The mother faces more challenges in the beginning, so she feels she does not have enough time for other things, she has time only for herself and for the baby. So slowly she is getting into the cycle of the devil which is supported by the good advices of mediums and other mums, that the baby is the most important, the baby is driving the family, and it should always happen what the baby dictates. The mommy sacrifices herself on the altar of the motherhood, and she does not recognise that she just tries to fit to a role, so she does not live through the motherhood with all it’s beauty, but she is suffering it through. In spite of the fact that the child fills her heart with satisfaction and a joy. It can happen that some of you will be shocked at these words, but the truth is that the baby-nursing done honestly, with adherence and lowliness would charge man with force and renewed energy in body and soul. When the mum complains about tiredness, lack of time and other issues of baby-nursing, it just shows that she accomplishes her duty with the baby as a routine, and not serving her baby with honest devotion. Examine your conscience, which group you strengthen.
As a result of a poll done on the internet I found out:
To the question: ‘Does the mummy have free time beside the baby which she could use for her own edification?’ – the following answers arrived:
          “The child organize the timing after his birth. I had no free time and chance to my own edification was zero.”
          “He owns my time-schedule, I have no free time. I can not sleep a good one either. If he does not wake up I wake up by myself to check if everything is ok with him.”
Contrary opinion:
          “Schedule: the first few months were hectic, but then I developed a routine which is good for the child and for us also.”
The answers show that there are women who believes in what their environment incorrectly states about baby-nursing (it is tiring and it requires demission), but there are also women who found out how to handle it correctly: in the beginning with enough attention and guidance, later with constant and guidelines behaviour man can handle child easily. This means that if there is only 1 or 2 person who can handle this situation differently than majority, in that case it can not be absolute truth that having a baby means tough work also. Since the baby arrived into the family and parents are shaked well together and developed their daily routine, it is worth to get the baby accustomed to the family’s life. This does not mean that it is not necessary to always satisfy the baby's needs, but it means that the favourite activities before the baby arrived can be achieved also together with the baby ( make a trip, go into community, travel and discover the world). There are several baby carriers, mobile beds in the market which are available, need small space and serve the comfort of the baby. Becoming a mother can not mean the total deprival from freedom, it should mean the fulfillment of the woman. The baby needs the mum's safety providing closeness, so if he gets it anytime and in any place, and mother has the trust and she is open enough to the new situations, people, and she is able to react without fear, she will be strenghten her baby’s trust also.
To the question ‘What would you suggest to other mothers, how to make some free time for themselves?’ – following answers arrived:
          “It is impossible to have time for everything. The day consist of 24 hours. Everybody has different needs, lifestyle, children. There is no ideal formula. Only the organising could help and a lot of  compromise.”
          “I think it is impossible to have time for everything if we have no help. And if help is offered from somebody, with whom we have good relationship, it should be accepted. Others also know how is life with a small baby, that’s why they would like to help.”
Contrary opinions:
          “What would I suggest? Not to listen to the many-many ‘good advise’, organize their life the way it is the best for them and for the family. There are families where the disorganisation works.”
          “I can only recommend the whisperer (the stones can come), this worked for me, and of course the decision in the beginning: everybody sleeps in his own bed, even if he is sick. I know examples where the child gained access between the parents, afterwards in other areas also, and the parents are dead tired every day till today. It was hard for me to work out this, I spent three weeks with the sleeping practice, but since than I get him down at around 9 o’clock in the evening, and he wakes up around 8 in the morning.”
          “My advise: organize and lead”
Summarizing the contrary opinions and using my experiences about spiritual life, I can recommend the following for the mothers:
          Look for baby-programs which is the best for the baby’s age and which is important. All mother have to believe that the baby's spiritual and bodily conditions do not depend on these.
          Mothers should not want to suit the social expectations, but only their own happiness.
          Time can be saved with organizing and with sacrifices in the housework.
          Teaching separateness to the baby and to the elder sibling (ex: let him be able to play independently) will reduce the charge of the parents and would also affect the baby's personality.
          The baby may worsten some programs, but he is never a reason for the mummy to deprive her spiritual-bodily needs from herself.
Many mum likes to take her baby to different skill-development classes, even more in a time. It is recommended to the mother to choose those classes only which is important at the life-cycle of the child. The mum needs to understand that these classes are less important for the child, these trainings are much more supported by the mothers. If they attend more courses a week it will cause hectic-weekdays, and also the new knowledge will be mixed up in the mother and will not form into a complete one. The free time we may gain with these practical, time saving methods, we should use for relaxation and for developing family and friend relationships.
There are academic dissertations and medical institutions today who already agree with the fact that certain baby nursing and educational rules became old fashioned. They do not insist on false ideas such as: the baby has to eat a prescribed quantity, and they also questioned the usage of the 3 hours eating-cycle. Healthy babies exactly know their own needs, so it is unnecessary to wake them up, only because it is the time of feeding. Mum may save time if the baby wake up only after 4 hours, and also it helps to get used to the longer ‘breaks’ between meals.
It is also possible to optimize the baby visits. It is worth to organize these visits in smaller groups. These groups can be the direct relatives, distant relatives, friends ..etc. It may sound weird, but it is useful to think it over, if the mother would like to use her time optimally.
Out of these abowe answers it stands out that the key of creating free time is in organization and decision. Really, who would like to have some more time for herself, would do everything to achieve it. If needed she will not wash the dishes more times a day, and do not live as a rebellion the sight of mess and unwashed pots, but she will find a time once a day to get these sorted out. Or if the mum will not cook every day, but orders lunch/dinner according to her opportunities, or cooks enough food for 2-3 days, she also saves time. In fortunate cases mum can rely on other mum’s help (ex: if it is necessary to look after the child), or the support of grandparents, friends. Ironing the little baby clothes is also not mandatory, because if we think about it is absolutely not important for a baby what she wears, and if it is ironed or not. These laws are only the rules of the adults, which they would like to use, but actually these are unnecesarry things to the existence of a baby. It can be also enough to do the shopping once a month if we prepare well and create a full list before we go out.
If parents always pick up the baby if he just moves a bit, this way they will block their child to start his own process to become independent. A few month old baby is able to busy himself if he is healthy and does not have feeding-drinking needs. With this mothers can win 10-20 minutes, or half an hours, which she can use very well. Some babies (ex: the pitta babies) are hysterical, they cry even if they do not have reason for it. Mother is able to educate her baby to separateness with conscious recognition, if she does not answer to the hysterical attention calls promptly. On the other hand mothers feel if the crying of their baby is because of illness or because of their needs.
I know a family who went to holiday, or a long trip with a 1-2 month old baby and her two year old sister. Who does not have the time to go out from home probably organised her tasks incorrectly, because taking care of the baby will not stop during these holidays, it would just adapt to the new situation.
Mothers who are waiting for a baby, do not forget that you establish the personality of your baby with your examples, behaviour and problem solving strategy during your pregnancy. If you are stressed and able to despair, the baby may not be balanced, because he use the example from your behaviour. So during your pregnancy and also before it, it is worth to throw off your fears and doubts, and belive that life can be as free with a baby as it was before. If you do so your baby will know it and he could became flexible easily with your help!

Daily caution

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Egy férfi minden nőt, egy nő pedig minden férfit szerethet a világon. Azonban, ha el akarják kerülni a gonoszt, jó, ha párosodási céllal mindketten legfeljebb egy ellenkező nemű emberhez vonzódnak.

Téves mondások

Feleségem, férjem, gyermekem
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"Te az én feleségem vagy...", "Te az én férjem vagy...", Te az én gyermekem vagy..." - Tévedsz, mert minden létező élőlény és objektum ezen a világon Istené. Te csak azért kaptad őket, hogy felimerd általuk a lét lényegét. Ha ezt felimered, boldog lehetsz és szabad.