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Daily wisdom

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Megismerni a végtelent az emberi aggyal nem lehetséges, de megélni azt, arra minden ember képes. Amikor elmúlik a kettőség kitágul a tér és megáll az idő.

Napi dilemma

The dilemma of the recovery
You may decide every day whether you are going to recover from your illness, and your faith fulfills your topmost will, or you fly from method onto a method doubtfully, and the chance onto the success is ever smaller because of your unbelief.
Depression after child-birth Print E-mail
Written by Horváth-Kovács Diána   
 Szülés utáni depresszióDear Newly Became Mother! Now, when you hold your so expected baby in your arms, you can feel that suddenly the whole world turnes around you. You are full with unknown feelings and sometimes you just don’t know how to handle them. It can happen that mothers will have depression after child-birth, but what we need to know about this? 
The dejection after the child-birth, or the depression expresses itself in the mood fluctuations of the mother, in her indifference, sadness, worthlessness-feeling, in the indifference for the baby, insomnia, decreasing sexual interest, and in the fear, that she could hurt the baby, or she does not feel herself a good mother. The depression itself is the tamas, the dominance of the binding force in the mother. The tamas is supported by the different fears, denials during the pregnancy and before it.
 
In a previous article we already mentioned that a women who is waiting for a baby should select the channels where she receives information about pregnancy and about the procedure of child-birth, because many times media represents these badly. These doubtful informations could help to generate fears. The tamas in the mothers would increase by the following delusions:
 
1. In the parent the responsibility of having a child fights with the pain about loosing her own freedom. This duality causes an unresolvable conflict in the mum, which supports her lack of self-confidence, her doubts, and helps in the fluctuation of her mood.
 
2. The mother faces the responsibility she owes towards her baby. The question pops up in many families: will I be a good parent? Will they be capable to care about the baby and to fit into the role of parent? What should the parent do? They need to take the responsibility for their decision, they need to think over the new challenges and expectations of their new lifestyle, so they won’t happen unexpectedly.
 
3. Mum should give up her previous life – this incorrect image comes from the media and from other mothers also. Parents act correctly if they do not change their previous life because of the baby, but they try to involve the baby into their everyday life. The benefit of this process is that the parents, and mainly the mother, are not forced to give up everything during bringing up the baby, and she would not feel the changing of her environment as a deficiency.
 
4. Most of the times friends also do not know how they should react to the newcomer's arrival. The mum starts feeling herself alone. This happens when the mother introduces her new situation as a duty, which is the most important task for her. She plays a role, which role does not show always a honest, committed mother, it is just played to match the expectations of her environment.
 
5. When two adult lives together in mutual respect and acceptance, the arrival of a baby will not change their life only in a way of evolving their common life. But if the parents' contact was not cloudless before the baby's arrival, and they have unsolved conflicts, these would remain after the birth of the child and would just grow.
 
6. With the birth of their baby lot of women feel authorized to receive privileged treatment, to force her partners’ attention, time and help referring to the baby. This would enhance the dissatisfaction and unacceptance of the parents, would increase the continuous irritation in the mum and this would strenghten the mothers negative attitude towards life and not her postivie emission. The motherhood is not a privilege, the motherhood is a chance for the mother to get to know herself better through her baby and to understand the mystery of honest sacrifice, demission and acceptance.
 
7. The additional weight picked up during the pregnancy, and the unexpected caesarean section would also destroy the mum's self-confidence. She feels she is not desirable for her husband, and her friends would judge her because of her changed body. This problem is worth to talk over with the Dad, who can calm her and confirm his acceptance.
 
8. The lack of attention, which was focused only on the mum before the baby, now would divide, and the mum loses her privileged role. She should understand that the nursing of the baby is a service which would increase the light in her, opposite with the selfishness, which controlled her before, and increased the darkness in her life.
 

MOTHER PRACRUTIES AND HER MOOD AFTER CHILD-BIRTH

Vata mother has lack of self-confidence, so the uncertainties during nursing the baby (ex: what should she do when the baby cries) could push her deeper and could increase her distrust. She is able to answer with disstress to the smallest arising difficulty, and continuously chases herself till she believes that she is not a good mommy. Vata mum has to learn to trust in her instincts. She has to believe that not the great books and the baby-forums would make her ready to be a mother, but the fact that she trusts herself and satisfies the baby’s needs without any doubts.
 
Pitta mother is liable to be nervous and to live her feelings exaggerated. She should make sure not to turn out from herself when the baby has unexpected needs or resists to the will of parents. She should strenghten her patience and acceptance towards her baby and her environment, and if necessary, move out sometimes, and clear the air with some exercises.
 
Kapha mother is able to create a calm and trustful atmosphere for the baby. She trusts in herself and in the baby, so there is no unexpected situation for her, she is able to find the correct answer and solution for everything. But she should make sure to move out together with the baby, go and meet other people, because she is able to stay at home and extract the external world from her life.
 
What can a mother do to handle the changes coming with the baby, not to live them as a pain but live them as new opportunities which evolves the family?

NOURISHMENT

The one-sided and fixed nourishment would lead to the dominance of the tamas. We should find many advise how to eat during pregnancy, and what are the dishes which is not suggested for the mothers. These advices would increase the duality and fear in the mom. According to Ayurveda the mixed nourishment is the one that would balance the doshas affecting the body and soul, so it is suggested to take all 6 basic flavours (sweet, salty, sour, spicy, bitter, acrid) during the pregnancy for the mother to remain balanced spiritually and physically.  

ACCEPTANCE

The acceptance of the new situation created by becoming a mother and the baby's birth is very important! The mum has to obtain routine in supplying the baby, but this lasts not too long. The company of the friends, the relaxation would be very useful during the period of getting accustomed to the baby. The mum should find the opportunities with which she could go out from home. She should find a company where she can talk with other mums and her baby could meet other babies and could get used to a community, discovering the world even better. To strenghten the contact of mother and baby there are baby-massage classes and baby-swimming courses, which also helps the mum to get to know her baby’s needs even better. With community experiences, and with these courses the mother starts to feel self-confidence and starts to open up. The mother-yoga classes before the child-birth can help to resolve the stress of mother bodily and spiritualy also.
 
The way out from the depression after the child-birth is, when the mother takes off the external world's limitations and rule system, and believes in herself that she is able to answer to the challenges of motherhood, she is able to respond to the baby's needs with listening to herself, and she is able to generate the trust towards her baby which will help them with the new challenges of this new lifestyle. The trust, the unconditional state is the one which would build the harmonic relationship with the baby and with the father, will generate a happy family life, where all members would be satisfied.
 
 

Daily caution

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Ne attól félj, ami megtörténhet veled, hanem attól, hogy a félelmed miatt közben elfelejtesz boldoggá lenni. Ha megsértenek, ha elhagynak, ha bántanak, csak ideig-óráig fáj. Ha jó előre félsz, az lehet egész életedben fájni fog. Ha nem ismered a jövőt, minek szenvedésre ítélned magad?

Téves mondások

Én még nem tartok ott...
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"Én még nem tartok ott..." - Ó te hitetlen, amíg nem döntesz, addig soha nem is fogsz ott tartani. Amikor pedig megtérsz, még aznap kinyílik a világ. Szavad azt jelenti, hogy az első lépést sem tetted meg, hanem ilyen szépen keltesz illúziót, hogy eltakard gyengeséged.